Valuing the Immeasurable Parts of Childhood
Born out of darkness and into the light, as our child emerges into the world, the clock immediately begins ticking as we journey together to help eventually prepare our little one for adulthood. For the first few months and even years, it often feels like survival mode but as we edge into the elementary school stage, the days and seasons seem to click by faster and faster until we find we are sitting across from offspring who has reached near adulthood. A process that seemed like it would last forever is all of a sudden winding down and we are left with the questions about if we did enough?
Those types of questions ultimately boil down to what we find important and prioritize. I took a life-changing test back when our kids were younger compiled by Tom Corley, author of Rich Kids, How to Raise our Children to be Happy and Successful in life. We aren't so much concerned that our kids are rich, but we would like to help them become both happy and successful. Corley has a developed a 40-question questionnaire with a scoring structure that puts kids in one of six categories which gives a likely outcome of how successful they will be later on in life.
I was utterly surprised to find that not one of the forty questions had anything to do with school success or testing. Not one. The questions surrounded ideas of proper self-care (adequate exercise, getting enough rest, limiting junk food and screen time, etc.), strong relationships (being a good listener, remembering important milestones of others, sending thank-you cards, etc.), being responsible with money, being a life-long learner, and living with gratitude. We definitely made some lifestyle changes after taking the quiz!
We expend so much time and effort on school success and extracurricular activities in a well-intentioned quest toward well-rounded kids. But what if these aren't the things that matter most? How do we find value in the parts of life that can't be measured?
We begin by being well-read and well-informed. Interesting, Tom Corley requires his kids to read biographies of successful people. Money makes the world go round so sometimes when we follow the money trail we are able to have open-eyes regarding the motivations of others. There is a lot of money to be made when kids are tested and data is collected. The largest four companies that supply textbooks as well as standardized testing in the US spent an estimated $20 million in 2016 on lobbying government officials to promote policies that favored standardized testing. When ulterior motives may be at play, it is up to us a parents to seek out the things that truly promote success in life.
Some say the biggest predictor of success in life is how well we get along with other people. Others say being passionate or being a life long learner are crucial. Warren Buffet is said to read 500 pages a day! Others attribute success to gratitude. Regardless of the variations, life-long success is almost never attributed to grades. And though report cards are fun to put up on the refrigerator, we must be vigilant as parents to incorporate into our lives, the other elements that lend themselves helping to the whole person.
When we know just a little bit more, we can make alternate decisions about how we use our time. Maybe an extra study session wouldn't help our child nearly as much as an extra few hours at the playground would. Replacing after-school tutoring with after-school play in the neighborhood might yield better long-term results.
We have found that outside play contributes to every area of a developing child. Free play with friends helps children learn to communicate, compromise and use empathy. The physical movements on the uneven terrain lend themselves to healthy, well-functioning bodies. Nature time helps curb strong emotions and gives kids an outlet for negative feelings. It helps all of us re-calibrate during the seasons when we need it the most. And finally, time outside is helpful for academics as well because in a myriad of ways outdoor time contributes to greater brain capacity and processing speed.
​As each of us begins to value these unmeasurable components of childhood, we show others that there are many enticing paths toward success and happiness. Knowing that grades aren't the end-all frees us up to use our time in more life-enhancing pursuits! What are some of the things your family values that can't be measured?
