One Four Hour Day Outside Changed our Family’s Entire Course
I have lived 12,004 days and I can tell you about the very best one. It wasn’t a celebratory day – like a big birthday or the day I left for our honeymoon. It wasn’t even a milestone – like the birth of a child or a graduation. In fact, I couldn’t even tell you the exact date of my best day. All I know is I was drowning as a mom of three young kids and one day in September of 2011 I actually had a good day – a day I legitimately enjoyed. And that day gave me hope. Hope that I might, just maybe, make it through my kid’s precious and irretrievable childhood years – and know that I fully lived them and not just wished them away.
Prior to my best day on most days of my motherhood existence I didn’t even want to get out of bed in the morning. I would stay up late trying to delay the inevitable night of nursing followed by an early morning wake up call and then a 12 – 13 hour stretch of needs, crying, screaming, diapers, noses, sweeping, one-handed cooking, and the minutia that accompanies life with little ones. Overall, I felt desperate, exhausted, and depressed. I loved my kids, but at my core I wanted to hibernate until they were all potty trained, out of car seats, and able to eat applesauce unattended.
Despite my struggles I tried my best to keep perspective. I read quotes like “The moments are long, but the years fly by.” I heard all the empty nesters echo that sentiment. I knew I should count my blessings and remember that I had healthy kids, a husband with a job, a roof over our heads and food on the table. I felt guilty about my outlook – but I was unable to get out of my hole despite any measure of self-talk I tried.
In late summer, 2011, a girlfriend of mine introduced me to the works of Charlotte Mason, a revolutionary figure in the world of education at the turn of the 20th century. Miss Mason had all sorts of teaching methods and philosophies, many of which are still applicable and backed by research to this day. One idea of Charlotte Mason is that young children should be outside for 4 – 6 hours a day.
That sounded impossible to me. I was caught up in the typical, daily mom activities – library programs, music in the park, swim lessons, playdates, playgrounds, etc. Honestly, I couldn’t imagine going somewhere for 4 – 6 hours. What about naps? What about lunch? What would the kids do? We were used to these small 2 hour chunks of time away from the house, and the thought of doubling that with no “structure” seemed absurd.
Looking back I can see the source of my angst. Getting out of the house is an unbelievable amount of work when you have small children. The days of grabbing a purse, opening a car door, buckling in and backing out of the driveway are gone. Prepping to leave often felt like an insurmountable task – compounded by the fact that I was always juggling the kids while trying to fill water bottles, pack snacks, get everyone dressed, brush teeth, feed breakfast, nurse, pack an extra outfit to have on hand for each kid in case of an accident, and the list continues. Picture all of this work, loading everyone into the car, seatbelt, seatbelt, seatbelt, seatbelt, driving to the library then unloading everyone out of the car (seatbelt, seatbelt, seatbelt, seatbelt), stroller, diaper bag, eyes everywhere so no one gets hit by a car, trying to open the library door and get the stroller through with no smashed fingers, and that list continues. Almost every day I was ready to be back in bed by 10 am. I wished I could have a baby’s schedule: nap in the morning, nap in the afternoon, nap after dinner and then bed by 8:30. And then I would sit in those 30 – 45 minute library programs trying to shove raisins in my kids mouths to keep them quiet and juggle an infant while the librarian read a few stories and the kids did some finger play rhymes and the feelings of desperation would creep in. I was already done with the day but there was still so much of it left.
Enter the best day of my life – the one I mentioned earlier that I said gave me hope that my kids and I could do life in a memorable, enjoyable way. On this one particularly beautiful fall day, I packed some picnic lunches and met up with my girlfriend and her three kids in a big open field from 9 – 1. It was a day that changed my life forever.
Here’s what happened: we sat under the shade of a tree on big blankets nursing our babies and the older kids ran around in the grass, picked up sticks, chased squirrels, and jumped off of stumps. We ate our lunches in the sunlight and fresh air. I didn’t have to break up one single fight over toys. I got to hold my baby and enjoy some adult conversation. It felt like how life is supposed to be. I had a great day – the first time I truly, actually had a great day as a mom. And my kids had a day full of free play and friends, fresh air and exercise – it was the complete picture of a pure, unhampered childhood. In time, I would learn that these simplistic acts of free play outside provide all sorts of developmental benefits for kids.
The best day of my life was the first good day I had as a mom. My life was forever changed on that day and I am here to pass it on. Mull it over. Think about that 4 – 6 hour time chunk. Could you do it? What would it take? Where would you go? Who would you go with? Are you willing to try it just once?
